Thursday, June 16, 2016

Nerves are frazzled, Fear is here!


I realized that I haven't updated you in a while and the short story is, Albert needs more treatment for more cancer.  In July we will find out all the particulars, like what treatment, when it starts and how long it lasts, how much the tumors have grown,,,and on, and on.

The truth is, not talking about it has simply been easier for coping.

Most people don't think of their morbidity on a daily basis, it's usually when someone very near to them dies.  Very recently, we have had several deaths in our close family circle and it makes us feel like death is constantly staring us in the face.  It makes us wonder if Albert is next and we wonder how much time he has left.  It's scary.  And it's tiring to constantly stare back at death and keep shouting: "GO AWAY!"

We have both started back to counseling to help us cope with the anger, anxiety, and despair.  

It helps. And sometimes it doesn't help.

Crying helps too.  Being with friends helps.  Leaning on each other helps.  Hoping for good outcomes helps.  Keeping active helps.  And sometimes, even those things don't help.

What doesn't help?  Telling us that all we have to do is pray and it will all go away.  No, that doesn't help!

Prayers for strength and endurance are much more helpful.  And sometimes they are not.

Coping with chronic conditions brings a plethora of emotions, almost like the Texas weather.  They say if you wait 5 minutes it'll change.  The same goes for our feelings and emotions.  Hope and desperation are constant companions.

When you see us, we are probably smiling.  Mostly, we feel like smiling, occasionally, we are hiding behind a smile, waiting for the smile to melt the feelings underneath.  It's never a fake smile.  We don't believe in those.  We want to live each day to the fullest and never give up on US.  And so we smile.  

Smiling helps.

-becca


8 comments:

  1. Becky & Albert, it saddens me to hear this news. I'm sorry if I have said the wrong things, believe me it's not intentional. I will continue to pray for your family, for strength and endurance like you've asked. 1 chronicles 16:11 Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his presence continually! You asked for prayers for strength, strength and endurance comes from Him. I love you all!

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    1. Thank you, Aunt Geri! You have always been one of our biggest supporters, and we love you too! We have many people who mean well, but tell us that our belief in Jesus is the reason Albert hasn't gotten "healed" and that is hurtful. Yes! Keep praying that we have strength, endurance, courage and all those supportive things that we do need!!!

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  2. Love you too, prayers will continue, the thing is if a person hasn't been through it there's no way we would know what your going through. Just know we're here for you all. Sometimes we shy away from our loved ones when they're going through something not sure how to reach out. Don't know if you're up to company, or would love a phone call? Would love to get together with y'all, it's been to long.

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    1. We keep busy and definitely keep up our friendships and don't isolate ourselves. We are still waiting for ya'll to set up our Austin play date with your family, and of course, we can get together before then...

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  3. Becky & Albert so sorry to hear about this! I wish there was something I could say but having cancer too I realize there really isn't except I love ya both!! Reading your note made me teary as I know the feelings all to well! I haven't seen most of my so called friends since I got diagnosed a year ago-- that really eye opening! Made me depressed for awhile! I feel like cancer is a very lonely illness to have! I to get sick of hearing in prayer for you, (but yet I never see them or even get a call), fight hard(umm yeah of course I'm fighting hard), well ya know you could get killed in a car wreck tomorrow ( that one really gets me-- not the same, I know my life's shortened-u don't not do you have to go thru the pain& suffering) & on & on! I know people don't know what to say but at same time, just come hang out, take me to lunch etc something that creates memories instead of all the advice you know nothing about! It's hard! It IS a very emotional roller coaster ride for sure! I know Wade & Courtney are going thru many feelings too as you are Becca-- the ones that have to watch it& fear losing the one they love! Cancer plain SUCKS!!!
    If ya ever need to talk to someone going thru it please call (618)530-0491. Sometimes that's easier than folks who altho try can never really understand 💗 U both

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    1. Janette, your comments really hit home for us...we laughed, we cried, and mostly, we thought of our times in Misawa and all the fun times we had...thanks so much!

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  4. Becca, I can't possibly understand what it's like to deal with a serious illness like you and Albert are dealing with. I can sympathize and try to imagine it, but there's just no way to walk a mile in your shoes. All I CAN say is that if I am faced with the situation myself some day, I want to handle it with the grace and attitude that I have seen from you two. Just know that even those friends who are awkwardly silent about what is happening think about you and Albert often, with love and support in our hearts.

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    1. Awwww, Allan, thanks so much for your kind words!! Your love and support are very appreciated!!

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